Life looks way different than I expected it to look at this point. Not just in my world, but beyond that, throughout cultures and countries. I did not expect to be stuck at ministry, not allowed to leave except for once a week on a bus. I did not expect to have to wear a mask everytime I interact with someone outside my immediate circle, hindering relationship and connection even beyond the language barrier. I did not expect ministry to look like mowing the lawn for endless hours, or roofing, or trail upkeep or really anything else we have been doing. I did not expect to be unable to explore the city I live in or not be allowed to go to the store or coffee shop or anywhere. I did not expect my Squad Leaders to be quarantined for what felt like days on end for fear of Covid exposure, and having to pick up their slack as leader. I did not expect to be separated from half of my squad and only seeing them once a week in a bus, driving around a city we all so desperately want to explore and experience.
The good thing is, God did expect it.
Recently, the Lord has been convicting me of my own expectations versus reality and my lack of trust in Him. I often wonder how I am bringing Kingdom through putting tiles on a roof or macheting on the trails. I wonder why He brought me so far away from home, to a place I was not originally expecting to go to, in order to do manual labor that I theoretically could do anywhere in the world, including my own backyard. I often wonder how He is glorified through all that is going on in the world and where He could possibly be in the midst of it all, much less in the midst of the seemingly insignificant tasks I do all day, everyday.
But it’s not up to me.
In some way that I cannot understand, I am learning that He is glorified simply by my yes to serve Him everyday, no matter what it looks like. So much of the time, people (including me) view missions only as serving the poor, or evangelising on the street, or loving on some kids in an orphanage. Missions definitely is these things, but in this light it is often only appealing because it would boost the pride of the missionary, making them seem significant, and forgetting about the glory of God. It then becomes more about the missionary saving someone’s life or making an impact but risks loosing sight of the gospel itself, not to mention the human in front of them who may or may not need what they are trying to give them. They may just need to be listened to instead of talked at, to be accepted and seen for who they truly are, despite what they look like, or what they’ve done. In many cases being a missionary has been viewed from an individualistic mindset, asking, “how can I save the world or learn some valuable lesson or have a life changing experience or get a great photo of me and all the things I’m doing?” When really we should be asking, “how can Christ be most glorified through my actions and words, what does it look like for me to love sacrificially, and how can I bring more of the Kingdom on earth even if it is at the cost of my own expectations or hopes?”
The Kingdom has nothing to do with my pride.
It is not our job as followers of Christ (and therefore missionaries) to save the whole world or make some huge impact somewhere. Yes, Christ might use us in that way, but maybe He’s just calling you to make His name famous in your own life. Maybe He’s longing for a deeper relationship with you that can only come through long hours of mindless work. Maybe He wants to use you in the life of the people directly in front of you because you’re unable to interact with the rest of the world right now. Believe it or not, but being a missionary does not really have anything to do with the individual or their expectations. In choosing to follow Christ, you are giving up your right to any glory for yourself and instead accepting the joy in giving it all back to the Lord. And eventually, you will come to realize that you actually never deserved any glory to begin with. God does not expect huge or life changing things from us all the time, He only asks for our yes in following Him, even in the mundane. He is able to work even in the little things and is glorified simply by our dedication to Him, even if it remains unseen. He is able to do far more than our expectations and be glorified beyond our perception of what is going on.
God is not limited to my expectations.
My prayer is that we would continue to choose into the little ways of bringing Him glory, no matter how insignificant or irrelevant may they seem to the big picture of bringing the Kingdom. I pray we would continue to say yes to the Lord’s plan in our life in the season He has us in right now. I pray that we would not become apathetic to change, but continue to lay down our expectations in order for God to truly be glorified in whatever way He desires even if it’s at the cost of our own pride.
“Then Jesus said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.’“ Luke 9:23-24
Beautiful post, Beth! Thank you for sharing such deep, personal thoughts about what God is doing and teaching you in this season. Our lives are seldom as we planned, yet our good and faithful God has promised to walk with us through it all. I’m so grateful for the lessons you are learning about trusting Him and honoring Him in the “big” things and the “small” things. The point really is to trust Him and love Him in all of it. He is glorified in our obedience. I’m so proud of you and love you so much! Dad
Bethany, it was so nice to hear from you! It sounds like you are coming through some challenges and with the lessons God is teaching you, when you get home, you will know that you have learned some things you may not have been able to learn any other way. I encourage you to keep a sweet spirit and hope you also have some happy memories to take with you as well. Grandad and I pray for you. This is Valentine week so I am specially missing you as I see my Face Book memories of the many fancy Valentine Teas we have had for so many years. I will take you to coffee when you get home. Grandad and I had our first COVID vaccine shots last week so next month I hope I will be ready to get out more.
dang beth this is goooooood!! i’m proud of u! and everything you’re doing for the kingdom!
Thank you for sharing the rawness of the deep lessons the Lord is teaching you in this time. I’m glad you are sharing them and writing it down so you never forget these deep truths. Your authenticity is a blessing to me, Bethany, and I am thankful you aren’t letting mowing lawns discourage you but to help you see truth. Thank you for sharing and for blessing me today. I’m praying for you!