“I will never leave you, nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b)
These words are all over the Bible, not only in Hebrews. From the beginning to the end God is confirming the promise of His faithfulness to His children throughout the ages. However, this has always been one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp about God. I’ve always known these words, had them playing over in my head, but I’ve never truly believed them until recently. I’ve questioned how they could be true to me in the loneliest times of my life, and if they were true, then why am I not seeing God? How could He be who He says He is if I can’t believe this simple, yet foundational truth about His character? And if this wasn’t true in my life, then how could any of the other things He claims about Himself be true? Like that He’s good, or loving, or powerful, or kind? This has been a huge wrestle for me at the base of my faith for years. How could God really be faithful in the times I don’t see Him, or feel Him, or hear Him? Where is He in those times?
Recently, I was wrestling with this. I remember thinking that I KNOW these things in my head. I KNOW God is faithful. It says it all over the Bible. I would have to be totally ignorant to not know it. But there was a disconnect between my head and my heart. I didn’t believe it. I felt as though I hadn’t seen His true faithfulness in my own life. And me, in my lack of faith needed to see and feel it in order to believe it, like Thomas (John 20:25). I couldn’t just take other people’s word for it any longer, but it came to a point where it had to be real to me. I desperately WANTED to believe it. I NEEDED to believe God is faithful, because if I didn’t, none of the other attributes about Him would ever be true to me.
So there I was, in worship one morning, and I was brought back to a time in my life where I was not believing at all that God was faithful and instead was believing the lie that He had forsaken me. I thought He had left me alone and ceased to care about me. I thought maybe it could be true for someone else, but it was not real to me at that time. I remembered feeling so alone. I was broken, acting as an orphan, wallowing in my destress of not knowing what to do or what to believe.
But, as I was thinking about this particular time in my life, I was brought to a specific memory where I saw myself sitting in the dark corner of my bedroom, crying, because that was the only thing I knew to do in that moment. I remembered the emotions I was feeling and the lies I was believing. But, as I sat in that memory, I saw myself, but I saw something else too.
Standing over me was a pillar of light, an ANGEL, right there in my room. I could see the shimmering white of its robes and the lack of solidity it contained, being a figure of light. It sparkled.
I was overwhelmed. I fell to my knees in worship because at that moment I knew that God WAS faithful, even in my darkest and loneliest memories. Even though I didn’t see Him at the time and thought He had neglected me, I now BELIEVE He was there. He was with me, standing over me, keeping me safe and away from harm because of His loving kindness.
It took me over a year to realize this in that particular moment in my life, but I now KNOW and BELIEVE that without a doubt, God IS faithful, even if we don’t see Him in the lonely and dark moments throughout our lives. He’s there, standing over us, even in our lowest times, when we think He’s not who He says He is and believe every lie satan is throwing at us. He’s there. He has not left us and He NEVER will.
I am reminded of a verse I memorized as a child that was my favorite for years because I desperately wanted and needed it to be true. And now I BELIEVE it to be true firstly because who the Lord says that He is, is valid, and secondly because I have been shown it is true within my own experience.
“If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 138:8-10
He is there in the highs and the lows of life, despite our capability to see Him in that moment or not.
I hope this encourages you to look for the Lord and for what He is doing and saying whether you’re on a mountain top or somewhere deep in the valley. He promises that we WILL find Him when we seek Him and He WILL make Himself known to us no matter where we’re at or what we’re believing.
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. “I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”” Jeremiah 29:13-14a
Song suggestion: Never Alone by Strahan
…A quick listen, but packed with so much truth.
Thank you for reading, I pray you’re encouraged.
-Bethany
